The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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