He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
