Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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