I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
