so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
