Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
