There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
