This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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