Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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