i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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