i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
