I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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