Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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