my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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