I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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