I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
