Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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