he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
this hospital has no fireball
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
