The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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