we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
