I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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