You really coming over, don't trick.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
