I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
