thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
