He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
