kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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