You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
