What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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