We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
