Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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