Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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