It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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