would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
