I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
