I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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