i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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