doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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