is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
