thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
