I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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