am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Randomize
