ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
