what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
