you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
