I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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