Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
