I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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