I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
