This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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