i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
