I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
