the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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