I'm gonna have a badass scar
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
