Too much gin, very little bucket
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
