I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
