I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
