What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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