I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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