You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
