so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
