Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
