The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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