The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
