Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
