if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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