arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
