You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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