I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize