Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
